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Christmas
Christmas is a combination of pointleses beliefs directed towards the false, wrong, faithful belief that Santa Claus could actually be real, even though it's friggin obvious that the parents put the presents under the tree instead of this so-called "Santa Claus" person, some made up guy. Christmas is celebrated with a tree, decorations outside and/or inside, pointless, meaningless Christmas carols, an expectation that Santa Claus will actually come to your house and give you either a lump of coal (sometimes Santa doesn't have coal so he uses weed instead) or the gift you wanted, according to the "Naughty or Nice" list that he supposedly has. Christmas is just ridiculous. How the fuck is that even possible? History On the ship Christmas was founded in 1876 by Kevin Christmas, as that was his name. He was a slave on a pirate ship in the middle of an unknown sea, fiddling with his cell phone, angry that the ship had sailed into an area without phone signal, which, at that moment, he dropped the flip phone into the ocean and jumped in after it, trying to find it, despite the fact that the cell phone wasn't waterproof and Kevin was just being plain dumb. The island So he found his cell phone, after several minutes underwater, and swam back up, but didn't see the ship anywhere in site, so he swam all the way over to an island which was about half a mile away, and rested on the beach for a few hours before remembering that he left his laptop bag on the ship and had no entertainment except a half screwed up phone that kinda really didn't hardly work almost at all. His self-fulfilling prophecy Kevin Christmas proclaimed that he was rescued from the island by Jesus, and so he started writing up stuff about Christmas and named it that, after his last name. How Santa was invented In fact, Kevin Christmas never did come up with the idea of Santa. Instead, some random guy named Bob Suimac admitted that his family had come up with "Santa Claus", an obese, 40-year old rapist with a white beard, a red jumpsuit, white fur around it, a hat, and some reindeer that could somehow fly. Now, for hundreds of years, people actually believed this crap. But then, finally, one guy stepped out in the crowd and said that he didn't believe in Santa Claus. He was obliterated immediately. Criticism There are many people who simply disagree with the crappy made-up crap that people tried to get others to believe, stating that it is "so dumb it makes me want to kill my mother again", and also "so crazy that it makes me feel safe about milking that spider". Many critics also note that a big, scary white man breaking into your house via magic and leaving gifts does, in fact, seem a little odd and freaky at the same time, and the fact that reindeer cannot fly, as it is impossible, and how there's no way Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. He was actually just a regular reindeer that couldn't fly but he got killed by a hunter who subsequently ate him for dinner. See also *Santa Category:Featured Category:Holiday